CD2 I think?

I'll give a back story later, for now I just want to log what is going on because after a while it just becomes too much information.
Technically I've bee pregnant once before (December 2008). I say technically because it ended in a chemical pregnancy (January 2009) and the only reason I even knew was because it was an IVF cycle. I had all the symptoms and everything but it ended at the 5 week mark. I can't say I was completely devastated because deep down my gut knew from the beginning that our chances were slim simply because of the numbers. It still was a very emotional time in general and I realized it even more a month later when I had a complete meltdown over attending a baby shower for some friends. I guess I was in denial, who knows.

Shortly after that we were given the okay to try again but needed to recoup the costs of our 1st round, not to mention that I wasn't super excited to start shots again especially since this time the protocol would be different and require more shots, up to 5 on some days. During that time we decided to try naturally even though we were pretty much told that it probably wouldn't happen naturally. We were never told we couldn't conceive on our own, we were simply told that our chances were really slim. So we tried and tried and nothing. Finally we decided to just go for it and we hit 2 more obstacles (we've hit so many in these past 2.5 years that it’s almost comical). For starters I now had this mysterious fluid in me that wasn't there before. My gyno thought it was a hydrosalphynx while my oncologist and RE disagreed (yes I had cancer - we'll talk about that later). After being bounced from doctor to doctor and ultrasound after ultrasound the onc. and RE decided that the fluid is probably a result of the first IVF (like a side effect), it isn't harmful or dangerous or causing infection or cancerous but it will get in the way of a second IVF cycle so it has to be drained. The good thing is that my RE is sure that he can do it without any issues, the bad part is that my insurance does not cover my RE at all so that means an additional $750 on top of the $12,500 for the second IVF. The second obstacle is that my husband lost his job (March 2009). Fortunately we have lots of savings put away so we don't have to worry too much but it is still difficult going from one standard of living to another all while trying to basically "buy" a pregnancy.

I'm convinced that the reason people who are not financially stable can just pop out kids at the blink of an eye is because they could never afford to do IVF. Not that we are made of money but we both have/had good jobs and make good money so although $12500 is nothing to sneeze at we have been fortunate enough to have the money to go through this difficult process.

Wow, I guess I lied and did give you a bit of back story. I guess I should warn you now that I ramble and go off on tangents and just blab when it comes to my blogs, but in real life I barely talk.

Ok so back to why I'm not sure if today is really CD2 or not and why I think I had another CP. Oh one more thing, the cancer - it was cervical cancer and I had my cervix removed to preserve fertility (I'll do a separate post on that later) so because there is no cervix there is also little to no CM.

August cycle, I had decided to just not live in 2 week increments and say screw it, if we had sex great and if not oh well I was tired of constantly looking at MyMonthlyCycles.com to see where I was and if it was time. Ever since my surgery 5 years ago I haven't seen or at least not paid attention to any signs of CM. I mean really, if there isn't a cervix how can there be CM right? And although the doctors haven't confirmed this 100% they have basically agreed that it’s barely existent if at all, fine I can't complain I'm cancer free and can technically still conceive (we shall see). CD20 (I O late) I go to the bathroom and there it is CM, I was shocked and excited, maybe after all this time my body is ready to do this without any invasive assistance. I instantly got on IM with my husband and told him that we HAD to have sex that night! He agreed and sure enough we did (it doesn't always work out that way). That was a Wednesday and I ovulated on Friday. Unfortunately we didn't have any more sex so although our timing was good the chances were slim because it was only once but better than not at all right? About 4 days later I start spotting, now I should mention that ever since my surgery I spot A LOT so I stopped looking at this as a positive sign. It did stop though which is a good sign but again trying not to get too hopeful. More time passes and I start to feel some of the same symptoms I felt in December, specifically sore boobs which I do not get normally, I also noticed some clothes fitting tighter, and being more tired etc. All signs but again trying not to get too hopeful. CD28 still nothing. CD30 nothing (my LP is usually 10-12 days). CD32 nada, just VERY light spotting but not even on the undies, just when I would wipe and even then not consistent. Oh and I had constant twinges in my lower abdomen area. What was going on? I have some cheapie HPTs that came with my CBE sticks so I used like 2 or 3 of those, all BFN yet still no AF. WTF?

Finally at CD34 I got what I thought was AF although after the fact it was more like heavy spotting cuz it never filled a pad, not even at night. Plus although it got way lighter it never stopped. That was August 27th. I had a blood test done one September 1st and was told that it was BFN. Ok nothing new right? On the 4th/CD9 I went to acupuncture (I go all the time but especially since TTC) and told them what was going on. I went back on the 9th/CD14 and said that I hadn't ovulated yet and sure enough I get the most debilitating pains that night. It was the worst O pain that I had ever had, it was just as bad as when I had the egg retrieval back in December. It kept me up all night. Now looking back I question if it was in fact O or the CP because I never stopped spotting. Some days worse than others but it never stopped. Today is now September 23rd and I think AF started yesterday although it’s still pretty light considering. A few things make me think it was a CP.

1. My last AF wasn't normal nor was the spotting leading up to it.
2. That horrible pain on what I think was CD14.
3. The fact that I had symptoms that I don't typical get with a regular cycle including being crazy emotional.
4. I got a gut feeling out of no where on Wednesday (the day before CD1) that it was a CP and my random gut feelings are never wrong.
5. Once what I think is AF started yesterday I passed the biggest clot I'd ever passed in my life.
6. My regular AFs are 26-28 days and the 1st CP, had we not been doing IVF and found out would have been a 34/36 day cycle just like this one and I bled/spotted for weeks.

My gyno says that it wasn't a CP but I disagree. I think they did a regular HCG and not a beta one and really, considering all the medical issues I've had I really pay attention to every single little odd thing that goes on with my body and my gut tells me otherwise. Plus I had it done on CD40 which means things were long gone IMO. So here we are at what I'm guessing is CD2 and hoping that it’s over and that I can start counting to O.

Oh something I forgot to mention, anyone who is familiar with IVF knows about all the genetic testing they make you do. Well I ended up showing now 1 but 2 genetic mutations that put me at high risk for the clotting disorder which means that once I am PG I will have to be put on blood thinners and while there is no way to know if that was why the 1st pregnancy ended in CP they said that it is likely since the mutations cause early mc. The reason I wasn't taking the thinners was between that and the IVF drugs I could barely function (I'm hyper sensitive to all medications and not one to take anything even for a headache). So since the doctors aren't totally helping right now and I know that I have this disorder I've decided to start taking baby aspirin on my own. So far everything I have read says that it can help in more ways than one so really what harm can it do and if it can help me get PG without the use of IVF then not only do we save a ton that can be better spent on a baby but I get to prove the doctors wrong once again which I secretly enjoy.

Wow, that’s a long ass 1st post. Hope I didn't lose you.