Transfer Day

Its finally here! We transferred our one rockstar emby today. A grade 1 (best grade) 7 cell embryo. According to the RE and embryologist it's exactly where it needs to be and is beautiful! I will admit that I as hoping to be able transfer 2 and have at least 1 frozen but the gods said otherwise.

I had acu on Monday night as a final prep for the emby then again after transfer. They will do 2 house calls before Monday to help with implantation and then I have my first beta on May 1st.

I took the rest of the week off. Anyone from the forums may remember me bitching about my passive aggressive boss last week and how I was transferring departments. Well I saw her Monday and that is it! I go back to work next Monday and it will be in my new department with my new boss who is awesome! This may sound a bit odd but it just makes sense to me; I'm going into a department of 5 women - no men, and as odd as it may sound I feel like all the estrogen will be a good thing during all this. I'm sure it will also means some crazy ass PMS but I'm not focusing on that.

At my transfer today I finally got to see MY RE. The clinic I go to has 5 REs and you see yours for the consult and initial appt. then whoever is available when you need your appts. Most of the time you also see another partner for ER but always see your RE for your ET. Last cycle I saw my RE at least half the time and then another who I liked. This time I actually saw 4 of the 5 doctors. Out of the 4 I knew 2 (my RE and the one who did the ER last time), I liked the "new" male doc but NOT the female. Strangely I found all the male doctors to be more sympathetic, gentle and understand than the female. Unfortunately I saw the female RE 3 times and she did the ER. Once this is all said and done I actually plan to write a complaint about her.
Remember the day of trigger I posted that I had been bleeding/spotting? It stopped in a few hours so I realized it was just spotting. Well I found out today when I saw MY RE that I have a cervical polyp (not sure what it's attached to though since my cervix is gone but whatever, it's there).  He said it's right there and he saw it immediately when he put the speculum in. WTF?! Had that bitch actually taken the time to look with more than the dildocam she would have seen it and then not scared me by saying that if there was still blood on the day of ER, my cycle would have to be delayed. Had we not been in the middle of doing ET I would have gone off but I was distracted for obvious reasons. My RE said that if I get PG then we just need to monitor it and decide what to do at a later date but that it can cause more spotting so not to be alarmed. However if I don't get PG then it will need to be removed by my gyno as soon as possible. Just writing about it pisses me off more. I actually have a survey that I need to fill out for the clinic that I was giving after ER, I'm going to see if I can put something there. I knew I didn't like that doc (the female RE) for a reason. The good thing is that I'm not spotting anymore and when I mentioned it to my acu she said not to worry that she's been able to treat patients with polyps and even fibroids while PG and they disappeared. So now the 2WW begins. My beta is May 1st which will be 11 days past the 3 day transfer (11dp 3dt), so exactly 14 days after "ovulation."

Kind of random but there is this lady that I saw at acu about a week an a half ago on a Wednesday then on Thursday when I went to the RE for my u/s and b/w I saw her there too then again at acu 2 days later then again at the RE and again at acu the day before ET. Part of me wanted to say hi and good luck but I don't want to freak her out. She seems really quiet and passive and she barely looks up so I have a feeling she would either not recognize me at all or be totally freaked out. I know I might be freaked out although considering I keep seeing her maybe not. I think she is just starting the process but its just too coincidental that we are not only seeing the same RE but the same acu. I know she's not reading this but I wish her much luck Dr. W is amazing!

That's it for now. Thanks for reading!

A week of stims

CD: 9
ST: 7

Not a lot going on. I had acu again last night - 3 hours but I felt awesome afterwards. I saw my regular acu as well as her son who does PT and acu and works in conjunction with my acu for the fertility program. Not sure why I never thought about it sooner but I think he's going to be able to help with the random trapped fluid. I'll go back on Tuesday to see him. I have my next u/s on Monday so we'll see how much things have progressed. My acu suggested applying the breathing technique that she has her patients do when she needles to my shots so I started doing that last night, again this morning and then again tonight and it has really helped with relaxing as well as dealing with the menopain. It's a quick inhale through the nose and quick exhale through the mouth (if you are a counter its one in and one out). I figured out that the menopain starts to hurt after the half way point but the combination of breathing and smaller needle has helped tremendously.

I'm still having the "morning skin" issue. I asked the massage therapist at acu and they said it could be edema since it only happens in the morning after sleeping and inactivity for so many hours. I have no idea if this is true or not but it makes sense to me. I'm just glad it's only happening in the morning and not at night when I have the 3 shots.

I decided that we are NOT going to tell my parents anything (hubby takes my lead when it comes to my parents). After reading a few things on the board and talking to my PT/Acu last night I realized that this really is a stressful, vulnerable and private time and there is no need to add any stress to it and regardless of how supportive my parents could possibly be (it's hit or miss) I don't want to deal with having to explain anything or questions or giving my mom the opportunity to think she can but in. I feel much better knowing that I don't have to deal with trying to figure out when and how to tell them. What I will do is wait till we have an outcome and say that they did extensive blood work and found the genetic mutation (blood clotting disorder).

I can't believe it's been a week already. This whole process seems so surreal sometimes. I can't believe we're here, again. I definitely feel like I'm in a better place than I was the first time. It's hard to explain, but in retrospect I now wonder if we rushed into the first IVF. Out of fear, desperation, feeling helpless, trying so hard and hitting obstacle after obstacle after obstacle. I think we felt it was our last resort, which in a way it was/is but maybe we should have waited. Of course there isn't anything we can do about it now.  The good thing is that it gave us hope, I now know I can get pregnant which gives me even more hope for this cycle. I think it also made me realize that it is possible to become attached and love something/someone you don't even know. I never thought I would get attached considering there wasn't even a heartbeat yet, at least not one that we ever got to see/hear. We never made it to the 1st. I had definite PG bloat, I had symptoms, I was super excited yet so scared. I had already begun to talk to my stomach, even if it was just whispers. My family had already started to make sure I took it easy and wouldn't even let my pick up my dog like I always do. If nothing else at least I got to experience that once. Over a year later and it still hurts. I do think I need to get it out though although not right now. It's late and I need to get some sleep.


Any side effects or anything I can blame attribute to the meds?
Emotional: Far more clear headed than earlier in the week. Still slightly snippy but nothing horrible. Teensy bit emotional but again nothing out of control.
Physical: Tummy tenderness to touch is increasing, more so on the left but still nothing horrible. No bloating! :)

Acupuncture, Ultra Sound, Morning Skin, and general randomness

I didn't update last night because I didn't really feel like I had much to say so here is a recap along with today's results.

On Wednesday I had my 1st acu session for this cycle. I went last Friday but since we hadn't started stims yet I count that as a "pre session." I went in feeling bloated and uncomfortable and irritated and came out wonderful. They worked on my belly for about an hour to relieve the congestion which is what causes the bloating, get things moving (I've been having digestive issues) and just working on getting my body ready and responsive. I kid you not, I went in with my jeans fitting snug and left with them loose. I've been going to acupuncture for so long (10 years for various issues/ailments) that I sometimes forget how not only does it work, but how quickly I see results. She said my tongue looked better but that we really needed to focus on getting my digestion better. I realized that I think it’s because I've become addicted to the peppermint butter mints in our reception area and eating 6-10 a day and while my taste buds LOVE sugar, my body has never responded well to me eating too much. So as of today, no more pillow mints.

Since my acupuncturist is also a fertility specialist (acu. fertility specialist) she is very sensitive and understanding of the whole process and also extremely positive. Yesterday she said something and referred to me as "mommy to be," which made me smile. She also shared with me some great news in terms of other patients in the clinic. In the past 2 weeks they have had 2 women, both over 40, become pregnant. One was naturally, after trying for 12 years and never becoming pregnant she found my acupuncturist's book and decided to seek her out and now drives 2 hours one way for appointments and after a year of weekly appointments (just acu no acupressure or massage) she became pregnant naturally. The other lady was via IVF. Now while I am not over 40 or even 40 its news like that that gives me hope because if she can help someone older than me who has had other issues and for longer then she can definitely help me and I've been far more diligent about making appointments to prepare my body n the last 6 months than my last IFV cycle. I go back again on Friday and this time hubby will go as well.

Last nights haterade session was okay but the menopain really hurt, to the point where hubby suggested asking the RE if we could use a different gauge needle. I literally felt the whole shot going in, meds coming out and needle coming out - it was the worst yet. I'm not sure if I just hadn't iced down enough or if I'm getting more sensitive but I can't take this much longer. I did moxa after the pain subsided and it felt MUCH better. I need to remember to do that nightly now. I should be doing it anyway but this will help remind me.

Yesterday morning and this morning we had some issues with the MD Lupron that I am now referring to as "morning skin." For some reason the needle just doesn't want to go in as easily as it does at night or in the previous mornings. Hubby says that my skin just kinda dips in but that the needle isn't going in without him really having to push it in. Since it only happens in the morning I'm guessing it has something to do with my skin either not being hydrated enough or something so I now call it "morning skin." Hubby thinks I'm nuts but I come up with new terms like that for so many things that he's used to it. Plus it makes him laugh, which in turn makes me laugh and that truly IS the best medicine right? Anything to get me to laugh in the morning in general is a good thing, more or less after a shot before I've even finished my 2nd cup of coffee.

This morning, after the morning skin, I had my 1st u/s since starting stims. I was hoping for some great bunches of grapes but at the same time wasn't expecting much since I was slow to get started last time around plus the whole short period makes me wonder. Sure enough I was right. I'm not responding super great yet, my lining hasn't even begun to grow and my follies are small. But, the doctor isn't concerned and said that he has no doubt that there will be lots of great, mature follies we just need to bump up the follistim. So starting tonight its 400IU instead of 300 and the rest stays the same. I go back Monday morning for another u/s and blood work. No blood work today since he said it would be negative based on the follie size and lack of lining. If he's not concerned then neither am I. Plus I have acu tomorrow and will start my herbs today which I should have done sooner and I have no doubt that Monday will be great.

Here are the results from today as well as from my baseline since I forgot to get those last time.
4/3/10 baseline
E2 (with having been on Estrace for 5 days): 327.2 pg/ml
Left Ovary: 25.03 (no idea what this means because it is not listed under the mm category, just above everything)
Right Ovary: 13.04

4/8/10 1st u/s since starting stims
Left: 6.26, 3.88
Right: 6.56, 6.33
Lining: 6.28

No idea what it all means. They have switched over to a completely electronic system so the results look totally different from 2008. He did say that there were a lot of follies but that none were at 10, which they like to see but that he had no doubt there would be lots very soon. One thing I do know is that they never beat around the bush; they always tell it like it is so if he isn't concerned then I have no reason to be.

The good thing is that my right side looks good he said and that is the side that didn't really produce any mature follies last time and not many in general. The left was the over achiever. This time it looks like the right has finally started to earn its keep and giving the left some breathing room. Considering the infection in Jan was on the left and that is where the fluid is residing I think this is all good news. Oh and we asked the RE about the Menopur needle and they gave us a bunch of smaller ones to use. YAY! They said that lots of patients complain about the size. Um, hmmm why not just prescribe the script with the smaller needle then? DUH! I'll let you know how that goes tonight.

Acupuncture

This is mainly for reference in case anyone is interested and so that I can link to for reference. All acupuncturists are different and provide different services as well as have different techniques. This is information based on my specific acupuncturist. For privacy reasons I'd rather not link to her site directly so I am going to copy and past information here instead.

Dr. W is a licensed acupuncturist (L.Ac.) and a certified doctor of oriental medicine (O.M.D) with more than 30 years experience in acupuncture, herbology, and other Chinese healing arts. Dr. W founded SFSU's Chinese Healing Studies program in 1981 and served on the faculty until 2002. Dr. Wu was appointed by the Governor of California to the state's very first acupuncture licensing board. .

Dr. W’s Healing Center offers a variety of resources - including acupuncture, acupressure, herbal remedies and self-care practices -- to help clients pursue better health. We apply ancient Chinese healthcare tools and techniques with a modern, holistic perspective to offer a complement or an alternative to Western medicine. Many clients use our services in concert with those of their Western doctors to tap the wisdom of both medical disciplines.

Although the clinic addresses a wide range of medical concerns, many of our clients are women and their partners, looking to enhance fertility, conceive, manage a healthy pregnancy and delivery, and speed full recovery following childbirth. For more information please see our Fertility Program.

Healing Tools and Techniques
Because Chinese medicine treats the individual, Dr. W's approach varies by client, drawing on the following tools and techniques:

Acupuncture
Acupuncture is the use of thin, sterile needles, inserted by a trained acupuncturist along the body's energy channels, or meridians, to stimulate, clear, or redirect body energy (also called Qi). After assessing your condition by asking questions, examining, and feeling pulses, Dr. W or her qualified associates insert needles in a pattern designed to rebalance your energy for optimal health. It takes just a few minutes to insert the needles, but you will rest with them inserted for a while.

Acupressure
Acupressure is the use of techniques and meridian stretches to redirect Qi along the body's meridians. Acupressure offered at the clinic range from brief treatments to two specialized practices: Chi Organ Acupressure and Chi Meridian Acupressure.

Using the area surrounding the navel as a map to the body's major organs, Chi Organ Acupressure involves direct pressure on the client's abdomen. Practitioners use fingers, hands, or elbows to stimulate and clear blocked energy from various points. Because the gut is considered the body's "second brain," Chi Organ Acupressure is especially effective in releasing trauma, and treating emotional disturbances, irregular elimination, abdominal congestion, and menstrual discomfort. In fact, the gut houses 95% of the body's seratonin, the chemical associated with the body's "fight or flight" response to stress. Chi Organ Acupressure is an integral part of Dr. W's fertility enhancement program.

Brief Chi Organ Acupressure is performed during regular pre-treatment preparation. You may also schedule a full Chi Organ Acupressure session with a certified practitioner.
Chi Meridian Acupressure, a Chinese acupressure technique effective in the treatment of muscle strains, sprains, and other orthopedic problems, may also be used during pre-treatment preparation at Dr. W's recommendation. Chi Meridian Acupressure is also part of fertility treatment, and is especially recommended for male partners.

Cupping
Cupping is an ancient technique used to stimulate and clear Qi/Blood along the same meridians used in acupuncture and acupressure. The practitioner uses a flame to create a vacuum inside a heavy glass dome, or "cup," then applies the cup to your back and other areas. The cups adhere to the skin through suction, drawing blood to the body's outermost capillaries to be recirculated throughout the body.

Using three or four cups at a time, the practitioner moves the cups along the body for a few minutes, sometimes resting on specific acupuncture points. Occasionally the suction created by the cups will leave mild redness or marking that usually disappears within 24 to 72 hours.

In most cases, Dr. W recommends cupping as a regular part of pre-treatment preparation. Cupping is particularly effective in improving circulation, clearing cold or flu congestion, and treating other conditions characterized by stagnation.

Moxabustion (aka Moxa)
In moxabustion, a dried herb called mugwort or "moxa" is burned on or near the skin to stimulate specific acupuncture points. The practitioner may light a stick of moxa and use it like a wand to warm various points, or may light moxa directly on specific acupuncture needles inserted in the body. For some conditions, moxa is burned on a fresh slice of ginger or on a mixture of garlic, salt, and herbs, which is applied to the skin.

Moxa burns with a distinct odor that may have a relaxing affect. Moxabustion may be used during pre-treatment preparation or recommended by Dr. W for self-care between clinic visits.

CD 1 - Pre IVF Round 2

Today is CD1. Tomorrow I go in for my base line ultrasound and if all looks okay I will start my stim meds tomorrow evening. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I went to acu tonight and my doctor said to acknowledge that I am afraid but to keep reminding myself that I am in much better condition overall this time around and to focus on the positive.

I've been on Estrace/Estradiol since Monday and have already experienced many of the side effects. Specifically the breast tenderness, back pain, cramps and mild nausea. You see, I never really get any physical "PMS" symptoms, maybe the occasional dull lower back pain and some fatigue but that's about it, I never get cramps but today was awful, which is what made me start looking up side effects and also support groups. I found 2 on line forums that seem to look pretty good just not as active as I would have hoped but at least  found some place to go and hopefully get support and share my experience as well. This has also sparked me to start blogging in this blog again; even if it did take me almost half a day to remember which email addy I had this blog attached to and what the password was. I don't know if anyone will ever read this but I really fell that this time around I need to document everything.

This protocol is different than the last. Last time I was on Follistim, Ganerelex, Repronex (can't remember the doses and I don't know if the spelling of the meds is correct), no BCP. As briefly mentioned in previous posts I did get pregnant but unfortunately it ended in a chemical pregnancy at 5 weeks. Even though 5 weeks really is more like a late period, and had we not been doing IVF it's likely I would have never known I was pregnant it did affect me, a lot more than I realized. So that coupled with just the fear of the unknown and going through this stressful and traumatizing (for some) experience, I'm having some difficulty dealing with it all. I do feel a lot more positive going into it this time around. This time it's Spring which means I don't ahve to worry about dealing with S.A.D., Spring is "my time of year," meaning that this is typically the time of year when new things start/happen for me. I did already get a new position at work which I am extremely happy about and I think that alone will help my stress levels since I haven't been happy for the past 3 months. Al in all my gut really is telling me that this time its going to work. Last time I tried to remain positive, but there was always this feeling deep down that told me it wasn't the right time. If nothing else I at least know that I can become pregnant.

After acu hubby suggested we go out to dinner to one of our favorite restaurants to kick start this journey on a good note. We had a wonderful dinner and didn't hold back. We ordered an appetizer, wine, entrees and our favorite dessert. It may sound a bit cheesy but it really was a great way to kick this off so to speak. Tomorrow afternoon I have my u/s and then there's no turning back. I still need to figure out when I'm going to tell my family about all this.

I'm really hoping ot be able to document everything daily; my feelings, any side effects and just overall getting my thoughts out because I NEED to be as stress free as possible during all this and writing has always helped me with that.