CD 1 - Pre IVF Round 2

Today is CD1. Tomorrow I go in for my base line ultrasound and if all looks okay I will start my stim meds tomorrow evening. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I went to acu tonight and my doctor said to acknowledge that I am afraid but to keep reminding myself that I am in much better condition overall this time around and to focus on the positive.

I've been on Estrace/Estradiol since Monday and have already experienced many of the side effects. Specifically the breast tenderness, back pain, cramps and mild nausea. You see, I never really get any physical "PMS" symptoms, maybe the occasional dull lower back pain and some fatigue but that's about it, I never get cramps but today was awful, which is what made me start looking up side effects and also support groups. I found 2 on line forums that seem to look pretty good just not as active as I would have hoped but at least  found some place to go and hopefully get support and share my experience as well. This has also sparked me to start blogging in this blog again; even if it did take me almost half a day to remember which email addy I had this blog attached to and what the password was. I don't know if anyone will ever read this but I really fell that this time around I need to document everything.

This protocol is different than the last. Last time I was on Follistim, Ganerelex, Repronex (can't remember the doses and I don't know if the spelling of the meds is correct), no BCP. As briefly mentioned in previous posts I did get pregnant but unfortunately it ended in a chemical pregnancy at 5 weeks. Even though 5 weeks really is more like a late period, and had we not been doing IVF it's likely I would have never known I was pregnant it did affect me, a lot more than I realized. So that coupled with just the fear of the unknown and going through this stressful and traumatizing (for some) experience, I'm having some difficulty dealing with it all. I do feel a lot more positive going into it this time around. This time it's Spring which means I don't ahve to worry about dealing with S.A.D., Spring is "my time of year," meaning that this is typically the time of year when new things start/happen for me. I did already get a new position at work which I am extremely happy about and I think that alone will help my stress levels since I haven't been happy for the past 3 months. Al in all my gut really is telling me that this time its going to work. Last time I tried to remain positive, but there was always this feeling deep down that told me it wasn't the right time. If nothing else I at least know that I can become pregnant.

After acu hubby suggested we go out to dinner to one of our favorite restaurants to kick start this journey on a good note. We had a wonderful dinner and didn't hold back. We ordered an appetizer, wine, entrees and our favorite dessert. It may sound a bit cheesy but it really was a great way to kick this off so to speak. Tomorrow afternoon I have my u/s and then there's no turning back. I still need to figure out when I'm going to tell my family about all this.

I'm really hoping ot be able to document everything daily; my feelings, any side effects and just overall getting my thoughts out because I NEED to be as stress free as possible during all this and writing has always helped me with that.