Acupuncture, Ultra Sound, Morning Skin, and general randomness

I didn't update last night because I didn't really feel like I had much to say so here is a recap along with today's results.

On Wednesday I had my 1st acu session for this cycle. I went last Friday but since we hadn't started stims yet I count that as a "pre session." I went in feeling bloated and uncomfortable and irritated and came out wonderful. They worked on my belly for about an hour to relieve the congestion which is what causes the bloating, get things moving (I've been having digestive issues) and just working on getting my body ready and responsive. I kid you not, I went in with my jeans fitting snug and left with them loose. I've been going to acupuncture for so long (10 years for various issues/ailments) that I sometimes forget how not only does it work, but how quickly I see results. She said my tongue looked better but that we really needed to focus on getting my digestion better. I realized that I think it’s because I've become addicted to the peppermint butter mints in our reception area and eating 6-10 a day and while my taste buds LOVE sugar, my body has never responded well to me eating too much. So as of today, no more pillow mints.

Since my acupuncturist is also a fertility specialist (acu. fertility specialist) she is very sensitive and understanding of the whole process and also extremely positive. Yesterday she said something and referred to me as "mommy to be," which made me smile. She also shared with me some great news in terms of other patients in the clinic. In the past 2 weeks they have had 2 women, both over 40, become pregnant. One was naturally, after trying for 12 years and never becoming pregnant she found my acupuncturist's book and decided to seek her out and now drives 2 hours one way for appointments and after a year of weekly appointments (just acu no acupressure or massage) she became pregnant naturally. The other lady was via IVF. Now while I am not over 40 or even 40 its news like that that gives me hope because if she can help someone older than me who has had other issues and for longer then she can definitely help me and I've been far more diligent about making appointments to prepare my body n the last 6 months than my last IFV cycle. I go back again on Friday and this time hubby will go as well.

Last nights haterade session was okay but the menopain really hurt, to the point where hubby suggested asking the RE if we could use a different gauge needle. I literally felt the whole shot going in, meds coming out and needle coming out - it was the worst yet. I'm not sure if I just hadn't iced down enough or if I'm getting more sensitive but I can't take this much longer. I did moxa after the pain subsided and it felt MUCH better. I need to remember to do that nightly now. I should be doing it anyway but this will help remind me.

Yesterday morning and this morning we had some issues with the MD Lupron that I am now referring to as "morning skin." For some reason the needle just doesn't want to go in as easily as it does at night or in the previous mornings. Hubby says that my skin just kinda dips in but that the needle isn't going in without him really having to push it in. Since it only happens in the morning I'm guessing it has something to do with my skin either not being hydrated enough or something so I now call it "morning skin." Hubby thinks I'm nuts but I come up with new terms like that for so many things that he's used to it. Plus it makes him laugh, which in turn makes me laugh and that truly IS the best medicine right? Anything to get me to laugh in the morning in general is a good thing, more or less after a shot before I've even finished my 2nd cup of coffee.

This morning, after the morning skin, I had my 1st u/s since starting stims. I was hoping for some great bunches of grapes but at the same time wasn't expecting much since I was slow to get started last time around plus the whole short period makes me wonder. Sure enough I was right. I'm not responding super great yet, my lining hasn't even begun to grow and my follies are small. But, the doctor isn't concerned and said that he has no doubt that there will be lots of great, mature follies we just need to bump up the follistim. So starting tonight its 400IU instead of 300 and the rest stays the same. I go back Monday morning for another u/s and blood work. No blood work today since he said it would be negative based on the follie size and lack of lining. If he's not concerned then neither am I. Plus I have acu tomorrow and will start my herbs today which I should have done sooner and I have no doubt that Monday will be great.

Here are the results from today as well as from my baseline since I forgot to get those last time.
4/3/10 baseline
E2 (with having been on Estrace for 5 days): 327.2 pg/ml
Left Ovary: 25.03 (no idea what this means because it is not listed under the mm category, just above everything)
Right Ovary: 13.04

4/8/10 1st u/s since starting stims
Left: 6.26, 3.88
Right: 6.56, 6.33
Lining: 6.28

No idea what it all means. They have switched over to a completely electronic system so the results look totally different from 2008. He did say that there were a lot of follies but that none were at 10, which they like to see but that he had no doubt there would be lots very soon. One thing I do know is that they never beat around the bush; they always tell it like it is so if he isn't concerned then I have no reason to be.

The good thing is that my right side looks good he said and that is the side that didn't really produce any mature follies last time and not many in general. The left was the over achiever. This time it looks like the right has finally started to earn its keep and giving the left some breathing room. Considering the infection in Jan was on the left and that is where the fluid is residing I think this is all good news. Oh and we asked the RE about the Menopur needle and they gave us a bunch of smaller ones to use. YAY! They said that lots of patients complain about the size. Um, hmmm why not just prescribe the script with the smaller needle then? DUH! I'll let you know how that goes tonight.

CD 5 - The Haterade continues

This may sound odd but I think I like the md lupron the most. Its the smallest needle and smallest dose of al the shots and it hurts the least. Follistim next and menopain is now the bane of my existence at this point. That damn thing burns like a mofo. Tonight hubby said that it is definitely the largest gauge needle and the most fluid. At least I didn't cry tonight. He's so cute with all this, he takes his job VERY seriously and has a routine that I can't mess up. He hates having to inflict pain but its his part in all this. When we first went through this he said it reminded him of when he was little and watched his dad give his mom her insulin shots.

I vented a lot earlier so not much to say tonight. Still hating the shots, still counting the days. I am definitely feeling something working so I better see some good gape bunches on Thursday!

Oh and for anyone who is new or wondering what I mean by some things that I say I'll include my own list of meanings...I know there are more things that I say but this is all I can come up with for now. I'll add to it as I see other weird/odd/different terms that I include in my posts.

MenoPain - Menopur
Haterade - all shots because the hormones are making me moody and I loved Jersey Shore and the whole "haterade" episode has become an ongoing joke in our house
PITA - pain in the ass (not new but not everyoen is familiar with)
Grape bunches - follies with eggs

Shot count down until my u/s on Thursday I have the following number of shots left - 6.

5 Wednesday (because of the left over from 1 follistim vial and then starting a new vial)
1 Thursday morning (I think)

Any side effects or anything I can blame attribute to the meds?
Emotional: Soso today, I found myself getting a little teary while reading some blogs and also while writing earlier.
Physical: Tummy tenderness to touch is increasing and Im starting to feel twinges in the pelvic area

CD 4 - Stim Day 3 Randomness and this sucks already

AM update:
So far so good. I survived my 1st night of all the shots and am only feeling a little tenderness in the tummy area this morning mainly from the injections, nothing internal. No apparent side effects that I can think of other than being famished every so often. This started last week with the Estrace and I'm not sure if it's left over or what. Normally I don't get those kinds of PMS symptoms and the only other time I ever felt like that was when I was PG for that split second. Which of course messes with my head now because even though I know it's not possible to be PG right now, there is this dillusional part of my brain that thinks "what if, maybe it's just hiding and the next u/s will show some crazy miracle." As if that could happen. I think too many years of TTC and the hormones here and there have really clouded my sense of reality when it comes to all this LOL.


Since I have a fear of gaining any weight during all this my plan is to just be really on top of my meals and eat tiny bits every 2 hours or so. I know its healthier for me anyway as long as I am eating healthy snacks. Nothing worse than feeling naseaus for no reason then scarfing down a bag of chips only to feel worse after. I lost weight during the 1st IVF and I'm determined to either stay the same or lose agian with this one, no need to gain unnessary weight, I refuse to let the hormones take that much control over me.


PM update:
I didn't go to dance class tonight. I just felt blah all day. Not depressed, not n pain just BLAH and not in the mood to give it my all in class and this particular instructor gets on us if we're just faking it so I decided to pass and just go to my Thursday class for sure (different class/instructor). Hubby noticed that I'm getting moody already. The joke this evening was that each shot is a dose of "haterade" (any Jersey Shore fans will get that reference) and it was only going ot get worse and that he needed to not take it personally.


It's now 10pm and we just finished night 2 of full injections and I cried again. The Menopur suckssass! It hurt so bad I instantly started crying. I have a very high tolerance for main in normal situations I've broken toes by running in the house and not having a good sense of space and ramming my foot into the door jam and didn't even cry, I once fell so bad in the parking lot that I tore my jeans and had to go straight home before even making it into the office and hubby had to pull gravel and denim out of my gash with tweezers and I didn't cry, but this stupid Menopur shot makes me cry. They should rename it Menopain! And 1ml is A LOT when you can feel it going in. It better work or I'm going to lose my shit. The MD Lupron and Follistim are a piece of cake, tiny needles and I barely feel anything but MenoPain makes me cry. I swear it feels like the needle is cutting me and then injecting alcohol into the open wound. Even applying pressure afterwards hurts. Hubby felt so bad seeing me cry, he feels like he's inflicting pain and keeps apologizing, but we both know it's not his fault. We need to focus on the goal.


After I regained my composure I grabbed my heating pad and blanket and just sat on the couch staring at my legs. I can't believe we're going through this again, its all so surreal. I don't know what I'll do if this doesn't work. I've thought about it a lot and even though time keeps moving and regardless of how I look or how I feel I am getting older and so is hubby. I swear if there was a prize for high risk pregnancy I would win. Sometimes I ask myself why I'm putting myself through this and it's always the same answer. I chose a newer and less popular surgery 6 years ago when I was diagnose with cervical cancer because I knew I wanted a child at some point. The surgery was to preserve my fertility and even though I went through hell for 3 months and took another 9 to feel even remotely normal again it was all so that I could carry my own child one day and that day is now. Surrogacy is not an option for us even though each of my specialist has suggested it and even asked why. Again my answer is the same, I didn't go through hell to not carry and have my own child. I knew it would be tough but was willing to take it on. After all they say you're never given more than you can handle and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So apparently I'm freaking Xina the Warrior Princess or something.


One day I'll go into all the surgeries and procedures I've had in those 3 months but for now let's just say that I went in perfect, as in never had major surgery or a broke bone (unless you count toes) or even been in the hospital and prior to the cancer diagnosis I never had any health issues, my most annoying issue was my sleep disorders (I have 3 of those - story for yet a different post). I ended up spending a total of 11 days in the hospital (7 then 4), am missing parts, have rearranged parts and 11 scars (I didn't have any before).


Wow, talk about an eye full. These meds are definitely affecting me mentally and emotionally already. I go to acu on Wed. which will help, I know it will, it always does. Then a u/s on Thursday.


Shot count down until my u/s on Thursday I have the following number of shots left - 10.

4 tomorrow
5 Wednesday (because of the left over from 1 follistim vial and then starting a new vial)
1 Thursday morning

Any side effects or anything I can blame attribute to the meds?
Emotional: Starting to get moody and feeling blah
Physical: Tummy tenderness to touch


Warning TMI ahead....


On a completely different note and I'm not even sure if I should mention it to my RE but AF was WAY short this month. I started spotting Thursday then at like 8pm I felt it start but didn't even cover a quarter of a pad. Friday was definitely CD1 but not heavy, even the night time pad was barely half covered. Saturday after my baseline I was able to just wear a liner and Sunday nothing. I've never been one to have long periods or heavy ones but typically they are 3-4 days with one heavy day. I wonder if the Estrace could have had anything to do with it? Not that I wanted a long AF, but it just seems weird to have only really lasted 1.5 days. 

CD 3/Stim day 2 - so far so good

It's still early but so far I've had 2 doses of MD Lupron in less than 12 hours and no side effects. I'm HYPER sensitive to all medications and after reading some of the posts on the boards I'm a little afraid of what might happen. Later tonight hubby will give me another dose of the MD Lupron and then we add the Menopur and Follistim.

I'm so glad to have him giving me the shots. I'm not afraid of needles at all but there is just something about having to stick myself that I can't do. Not seeing the needle go in really helps. I'm just too visual of a person plus the one time I tried to do my own shots I did everything you could possibly do wrong WRONG. We now laugh about it but at the time it was a train wreck.

I've decided to do a shot count down, although now that I've written it out it seems like a lot. Until my u/s on Thursday I have the following number of shots left - 16.

3 tonight
4 tomorrow
4 Tuesday
5 Wednesday (because of the left over from 1 follistim vial and then starting a new vial)

Any side effects or anything I can blame attribute to the meds?
Emotional: same, no change yet
Physical: nothing

Update. We just finished the evening shots. I iced for about 40 minutes (unintentionally). After reading something on one of boards about Menppur I told hubby to do the shot slowly. We now know that does NOT work for me, I totally felt it more so tomorrow he's going to go a little faster. I definitely felt the Menopur more than the other 2 shots. I think the Follistim is the one that hurts the least, mainly because I feel the other 2 actually release the meds. So far I survived 1 full day of shots. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Oh and for anyone who may be reading my blog. PLEASE feel free to post comments, I would love to know if any of this is helping you, or if you have questions or anything. Also I will put this out there now, I swear a lot in my blogs so if that offends you then this may not be the place for you. Here's to day 3.

CD 2 - starting Stims tonight

Baseline u/s went well. The doctor said everything looked great and that we were ready to go. Tonight I will started with a microdose (MD) of Lupron and that's it.  Tomorrow is when I start with all 3 meds. MD Lupron in the morning, MD Lupron in the evening along with the Menopur and Follistim. This means a total of 4 shots a day (I requested the 900IU vial of Follistum to cut down on the number of shots while taking a 300IU dose) but every 3 days or so I will have 5 shots because of the left over in the Follistim vial. Hubby is great about giving me the shots so it helps a lot!
I also have to make sure to ice down first so that the injection site is numb.

Tonight was very emotional, I cried before the shot. Not because I'm afraid of needles but because it means this is all so very real and we are taking this journey again. I just hope this time ends with a beautiful, healthy baby in the end.

I've read a few posts on the boards about Lupron headaches and moodiness. I really hope I don't get either, especially the headaches. Headaches always freak me out and I hate taking any kind of pain meds. I already warned hubby about the potential moodiness. I'm already very emotional from the Estrace and this whole process. My therapist says that I have PTSD from the last cycle which I agree. It was very traumatizing on so many levels. I think not only the obvious; having to seek assistance to conceive as well as it ending in a CM but it also goes back to when I was sick (cancer). That was a hard year and in a way all of that has lead to this. I had the surgery to preserve my fertility so that I could eventually have a child. I also knew that that was no guarantee that I would have a child. I still remember laying in my hospital bed after the ureter reimplantaion, talking to my oncologist and her telling me that it was very possible that even though my reproductive organs were still intact  minus my cervix that I could still struggle to get pregnant. I didn't want to believe her but I always appreciated how straight forward she was about everything. She never sugar coated anything. So even though I've been cancer free for 6 years now and not really had any issues since 2005, it is all still very real for me and going through IVF only adds to it. Thankfully I have my husband who is extremely supportive. I couldn't do this without him right there every step of the way.

Tomorrow is day 2, Easter Sunday, definitely NOT the time to tell my parents yet. Maybe next week, we'll see. I really hope I don't have any side effects from the Lupron or at least not to intense.